I like to start my day a little earlier than everyone else at home. I often journal, and recently I was thinking and writing about returning: what are those things persistently drawing me back?

It’s been about two years since I found myself extra overwhelmed, uninspired, and resentful about what I was doing professionally, and it trickled to everything else. My body needed a break and was speaking loudly, yet I refused to listen, so I pushed to do just one more thing on my long list of to-dos. I didn’t want to give in because my head was blaring ‘defeat!’ and I was not going to quit.

Exhausted, I couldn’t see more than those two options: keep going or stop. I didn’t consider a sabbatical until it was lovingly pointed out that I could pause on my own terms or most likely must stop to take care of my health.
I thought the world was going to fall apart if I stopped spinning all the plates I was juggling. But everything is alright. Mind you, realizing I needed a break and actually taking it was quite a transition, but it allowed me to find new rhythms and a more fulfilling routine.

Being honest with myself was another of those things easier said than done. I was mad at not being happy. I was forcing what used to bring me joy, and flow was not existent. The doubts multiplied exponentially. So, I questioned, am I cut out for this? Do I need to find something different?

I gave myself three months, again with the deadlines! You are right; it didn’t work. It took me 6x longer, and it was no vacation.

Three big lessons got deeply planted though are: healthy boundaries are a must, more + faster ≠ better, ‘No’ is a complete sentence (thanks Sam for teaching me that).

And despite trying other things… Art continues to pull me in. Art is my thing.

So with renewed hope and a full water bottle, I am starting once more and reinforcing foundations. My art practice is taking a very intentional shape, and I have enjoyed being surprised again at the fulfillment that grabbing a pencil and paper every day can bring.

Progress doesn't have to be rushed; it's about finding a pace that allows for growth and fulfillment. With intention but not speed, I am creating art, setting boundaries, and planting gardens of ideas. I am prioritizing, planning, failing, trying, and doing it over again. Because what recharges us is worth seeking, what fulfills us is worth pursuing, and because I know me better, I love me better, I want to keep at it.

 What keeps drawing you back and encouraging you to persist?